Addition vs. Subtraction ✥

It’s easier to add something than to take something away.

Often times when people are accepting less than they deserve, I’ve noticed they P U S H A W A Y words of wisdom or kindness that convey their worth and worthiness of something better. ~ They believe that the rest of the world “doesn’t see the full picture” – the picture that includes all their shortcomings and failures – all the times when they personally participated in this interaction (even to the extent of setting it up themselves), or were a willing participant in that dance. ~ They would rather accept responsibility for the whole interaction-of-harm, than to reject anyone or anything.

I’ve often been unable to accept a “helping hand” myself because that help was accompanied by holding someone else in judgment. GREAT EXAMPLE.. when people who love me and know me well have criticized a person I dated in the past in hopes I would let the relationship go. But it had a reverse kind of effect at the time: It was untenable to me to accept new harm (judgment) in order to experience my own relief.

You might know someone like this in your life. Someone protecting a situation which is causing them pain. This toxic bind is always kindred to poor self esteem…

The perspective this person in your life is holding is in some way true. To them it’s J U S T I F I E D since it’s the picture in which they SHARE RESPONSIBILITY for their situation.

But a still wider lens is yet required to adequately view their interaction, and break a cycle of victimization {or more precisely, break a cycle of willing self-victimization}.

The critical vantage in helping to free a person from protecting their own pain-lock is that: no matter the participation of one individual in their own pain and suffering, N O H A R M is ever acceptable or warranted.

This bigger view, of ACCEPTANCE, WORTH, and VALUE of every sentient being – intrinsic to that being – not contingent on anything, is what frees a victim to claim the care they need.

I hold this perspective daily in my work, and in every conversation with every person I meet. Real Responsibility is in acknowledging our greatness as well as the times we’ve failed even our own expectations.

Most often, I notice the idea of our own perfection, light, and greatness needs to be ADDED, instead of convincing someone to let a situation go. Let me know how this approach changes things for you and yours.

With loving kindness,


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